And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
