She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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