You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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