I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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