all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
