You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
