Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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