Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
