Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
