You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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