so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
