Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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