Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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