return my video game
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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