I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
