i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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