I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
