I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am one with the molecules
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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