If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You made out with two different species that night
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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