chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
