Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
