So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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