So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
