bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
