The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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