Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
