So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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