Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Do vagina's smell?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
