I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
