lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
