Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
