FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
