when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
