I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
