dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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