I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
