Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
