Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
