Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just threw up on my dentist
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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