you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
