Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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