I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
