I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
