I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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