dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
