another moral hangover. fuck.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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