I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
