hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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