I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
