jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
