He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
