I need help removing her.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
