New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
