I wish my penis had an off switch
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
