i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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